the movieGOOMBA

2 GOOMBAS

One of my favorite teachers, Mr. Armstrong, taught AP European History. During the first week of class, I had been listening diligently to one of his lectures, and for one moment I focused on my notes when suddenly, he calls my name. He's waiting for my answer. The last thing he was talking about before I zoned out was Germany. The question was, "Where does he live?" So I answered, "Berlin . . ?" In actuality, the question was "Where does the pope live." And that, of course, was the wrong answer. So from then on, every once in a while, if Mr. Armstrong thought I was drifting off . . . he'd yell "Jennifer! Where's the pope!?!" And I'd answer, "The Vatican, Mr. Armstrong." But aside from learning where the pope lived, I learned about Anne Boleyn and her integral part to the Church of England.

The Other Boleyn Girl focuses on Henry VIII's affair with Mary Boleyn (Scarlett Johansson) and the struggle between two sisters over the same man. Mary is shy and beautiful while Anne (Natalie Portman) is witty and daring. In an attempt to raise their family standings, the Boleyn parents sought to make Anne King Henry's mistress. However, when her first attempt fails to get his attention, he notices the quiet, but stunning Mary instead. Mary becomes his mistress while Anne is sent off to France for some feminine refinement. Anne returns some years later, after the King has grown tired of Mary, and King Henry becomes infatuated with her. And when sisters fight over the same man, things get pretty ugly.

With two strong female leads, its a wonder that this period piece became such a revolting film. Now, I realize that this was just how it was in the olden days, setting your kids up to become royal sex toys for the betterment of the family, but I was absolutely disgusted. But that isn't so much the film's fault as it is history's fault. What was terrible was the indecisive portrayal of Henry VIII. I have no way of knowing how close the role is to the real person, but as a character, he had no depth or complexities. He was basically a sex fiend who got what he wanted or someone died if he didn't. Completely uninteresting. Same with the plot. Same with Anne and Mary. Although, I must recognize Natalie Portman's dazzling performance as the loving, yet dually selfish sister.

I must say that this article is particularly dull. I blame that on the subject. Don't watch this movie unless you want to catch a glimpse of the cute Jim Sturgess, the Boleyn Brother. Unfortunately, he gets beheaded and he doesn't sing a line. If I spoiled it for you - good. Anything to keep you from watching this film.

2 GOOMBAS

When people fall in love with Shia LaBeouf, they just can’t get enough of him. Spielberg cast him in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and he executively produced LaBeouf’s summer blockbuster, Transformers. Now Disturbia director, D.J. Caruso, and star, LaBeouf, team up again for DreamWorks’ new thriller Eagle Eye. Once you go Shia, you can’t go back, but unfortunately for the both of them, Eagle Eye kind of sucked.

LaBeouf stars as a typical, unmotivated young slacker along side the beautiful Michelle Monaghan, who plays an average, over-worked single mother. Both characters are framed as terrorists, and in an attempt to run from a Big Brother-like villian, they cross paths and form an unlikely alliance as they also run from the government and those who framed them. Rosario Dawson and Billy Bob Thornton join the cast as a government agent and FBI Detective trailing the pair.

Shia is Hollywood's current, favorite juvenile delinquent, and I could care less. On screen, he's got a certain dorky, underdog charm that makes my heart melt with sympathetic adoration, and though this is a mediocre action packed, suspense thriller at best, he still exudes distinction and quality acting. But his comedic timing and good acting can't save this flick from a lame story and a thoroughly retarded ending. For a very long while, the movie was cheesy, but absolutely fun - as actions movies should be. The multiple chase scenes were intense and absolutely ridiculous, the mammoth explosions were completely blown out of proportion (a plus sign in this genre), and those great one-liners kept the tone upbeat and amusing. And then, they revealed who the terrorists were. But, no worries. It still made it to the 3 GOOMBA level. And then, Big Brother vaporized a guy by chasing him with a broken power line. Still okay. And then, Bill Bob gave Shia his FBI badge and gun just before [highlight to see] exploding himself (which involved a car and an airplane in a Washington DC tunnel) for the greater good. And so Eagle Eye's fate was sealed. A shaming moment in Hollywood history.

Eagle Eyes was a bad cocktail of The Terminator, Enemy of the State, and Die Hard, all of which are far better movies than the one in question. However, I do recommend this movie for the excellent chase scenes or for a Saturday night movie at home with friends.

LaBeouf is currently filming Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

2 GOOMBAS

I always wonder what it would be like to see through someone else's eyes. When I'm out driving, I sometimes look out my window at another driver and often ask myself, "What is he thinking about?" "Where is she going?" "Who are they?" The idea of seeing through a different perspective is fascinating, but trespassing on someone else's personal thoughts is only something that happens in books, and sometimes in movies.

Vantage Point takes this concept and films it in a Momento-inspired style. Looping through the same 23 minute period, the viewer is taken into the different perspectives of six characters who witness the same attempted presidential assassination. With each loop, more information on the plot unfolds, and the mystery behind the assault is revealed. The ensemble cast includes screen regulars, Forest Whitaker, Matthew Fox, Dennis Quaid, and Sigourney Weaver.

When the filmmakers pitched this idea to the executive producers, I'm sure it sounded innovative and amazingly creative. However, it yields complete frustration to the viewer. I found myself commenting on how "cool" and "cutting edge" it all seemed during the first 46 minutes - and then, it began to drag on, and on, and on, and on. It was exhausting living through the same 23 minutes six times, and then, only moving, what seemed like half a frame, toward the ending was brutally irritating. It's okay to leave a person in suspense, but not to the point where they'd rather turn the TV off than find out how it ends. This editing gimmick completely backfires.

Then, there are the characters. With the impossible stunt scenarios aside, Howard Lewis (Whitaker) and Tom Barnes' (Quaid) characters were thoroughly lame and unconvincing. An American tourist is not going to run after a terrorist in the middle of a Spanish city after he's just been blown up by a bomb - unless he happened to be Rambo. In that same respect, Barnes, a secret service agent, would not have acted as a vigilante, running through the streets all by his lonesome to find the terrorist regime who bombed the President of the United States. His chase scenes and professional demeanor were so far from reality that I can't even use the "movie magic" plea for him.

The positive things I have to say about this film (which are few) are: 1) it actually has a message, 2) it attempts creativity, and 3) it does produces some interest. However, even with these things said, I still suggest you watch this film from a different vantage point; with your back facing the TV.

1.5 GOOMBAS

Morgan Freeman began his acting career in the late 1970's, and he's had steady acting gigs ever since then; averaging 2 movies a year since 1980. His kind eyes, winning narrative voice, and grandfather-ish naivety easily find him work. And Morgan Freeman will eternally be an old man. After all, he didn't start his acting career until his mid 50's. So after being a chauffeur, a convicted felon, the President, God, and a detective (multiple times over), he basically plays himself, an old man, in his latest flick called The Bucket List, which also stars former psychiatric patient and psychopath, but equally old, man, Jack Nicholson.

Aside from being old, Carter Chambers and Edward Cole are sick. They both have cancer, and it doesn't look hopeful. So, while they're in the hospital, they develop a bucket list, a list of all the things they want to do before they die. With the help of Edward's wealth, and each other, both set out to do things they would have never done given other circumstances.

A potentially great movie on friendship, The Bucket List can kick the bucket for all I care. Though both actors are supposedly playing characters, its hard to see a difference between themselves and the real man. They play who you'd pretty much think they'd be in real life - Morgan Freeman, the reserved, but kind grandfather and Jack Nicholson, a dirty old man. And their friendship was just about as believable as the CG. I felt no long lasting bond between them, no closeness or camaraderie, and they might as well have had a moving backdrop.

Meant to be sentimental but instead, ending in mediocre cheese, The Bucket List should have had the word "RV" plastered over its title because The Bucket List is about that bad. Save your Netflix queue for something a little less sob story, but even if you were looking for something like that, the only tears you'd see would be from pity - pity for yourself for watching this flick.

2 GOOMBAS

SYNOPSIS: Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal star in this politically charged film, Rendition. Isabella Fields El-Ibrahimi is an American woman with a son and another on the way. As her Egyptian-born husband flies home from a business trip, he's kidnapped, taken to another country, and tortured by the American CIA for information on a middle-eastern terrorist group. This act is known as extraordinary rendition.

The GOOM: Insightful, Rendition is another example of filmmakers and actors voicing their political opinions through film. Witherspoon and Gyllenhaal turned in great performances, and the film tellingly portrays the upholding of American idealism and how it can be demolished.

The BA: It was sort of hard to follow. It reminded me And it's a movie about terrorists and America exerting its dominance by using unprincipled means. It's typical. It's boring. It's un-extraodinary rendition.

2 GOOMBAS

P.S. I Love You was advertised as “this year's best romantic comedy” - I can’t help but wonder if that movie critic was on crack. Did he see this movie? What part of having your dead husband leave you post-death, love notes is funny? To whoever wrote that review, you make me angry.

Previous experience has taught me that a fantastic cast does not necessarily equal a quality film. So here is P.S. I Love You, a perfect example, starring Academy Award winners Hilary Swank and Kathy Bates, and former, yet still hunky, Spartan, Gerard Butler. This film follows the life of Holly following the death of her Irish husband Gerry. Before passing, Gerry writes encouraging letters (which are delivered to her throughout the course of the film) to Holly in an attempt to help her cope and begin rebuilding a new life without him.

Simultaneously morbid and romantic, this flick brought on the tears. However, please picture me sobbing as I yell "this movie is so bad!!!" at the TV. Surprisingly, P.S. I Love You prodded the soft spot in my heart and concurrently, promoted irate feelings. Holly is an absolute pest of a character. I have absolutely no idea why Gerry would be in love with her. Second, why in the world did Gerry think that his notes were a good idea? His attempt to help her let go and grieve is completely backward. (Joe, this is not a good idea. You are not allowed to do this.) Some things just need to happen cold turkey. Lastly, the filmmakers' attempt to foster a new love interest is totally insensitive to the intense love story that they've already cultivated and committed to depicting. There's no way the audience will buy any other love story other than that of Holly and Gerry.

Something good I can say about the movie is its ability to evoke heartache. The filmmakers used the brilliant technique of intermingling Holly and Gerry's happy story with Holly's post-Gerry life. This yields the greatest impact to the viewer, as we are able to see/feel what Holly has lost instantly. And when Holly receives a new letter, we are again reminded that loss. P.S. I Love You is in no way a romantic comedy. It did a good job making you feel terribly somber and terribly depressed, and it did great at being just plain terrible.

2 GOOMBAS

1.5 GOOMBAS

So you know those movies where you can figure out the twist after two seconds of the film? Well, this is one of them. But I do have experience with this. I figured out the Sixth Sense after the first five minutes. However, either way, this film is pretty dumb.

Starring Jessica Alba, Hayden Christiensen, Terrence Howard, and anesthesia awareness, Clay Beresford is a high powered capital investment executive in need of a heart transplant. Living a double life between his posh, rich lifestyle (including an overly controlling mother) and a humble dwelling with his sweet-natured girlfriend, Clay attempts to separate himself from the life his mother has laid out for him - starting with choosing his own heart surgeon and his own wife. Once he goes into surgery, however, he realizes that he's still awake. The rest of the movie takes us through his out-of-body experience and the revelations that follow.

Totally predictable and poorly acted, Awake is a sad example of a suspense thriller. There was nothing terribly dreadful in this movie - except, Christiensen. He is such a Nancy boy. I can't stand him. He's such a bad actor. What is equally as annoying as Christiensen is Clay's mother. She is originally portrayed as a flat character; controlling and over-bearing. She maintains her opinion on Clay's choice for a surgeon and for a wife in a completely aggravating and judgmental way. Yet by the end of the film, she's completely vindicated. So, is this film saying that controlling and over-bearing is the way to go when you're a mother? Apparently, yes.

They did do some cool things with lighting, but not enough to commend Awake for anything.

There isn't much to this film. It's meant to target that older teen audience, but I'm sure they'll still find this film equally as annoying as to the average viewer (unless they're a pre-pubescent boy who ogles over Jessica Alba). So in closing, don't believe in this anesthesia awareness baloney. Yes, it's a scary idea, but its not as scary as you enjoying this flick.

2.5 GOOMBAS

So I've heard that the reason why Denzel Washington is good-looking is because his face is perfectly symmetrical, which makes it aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I can agree with that rational. I mean, he isn't overtly handsome (to me), but yet he's nice to look at - even when he plays a bad-ass gangster or a corrupt cop. However, something must be said about his performance in his most recent flick, The Great Debaters. His glaringly insensitive and distrustful portrayal of Melvin Tolson definitely made me see the ugly in Denzel.

Set in the 1930's and loosely based on a true story, the 'Great Debaters' are a group of young, educated individuals from the historically black Wiley College. Under the supervision and guidance of Melvin Tolson (Washington), four debaters are chosen for his elite team, James L. Farmer Jr., Henry Lowe, Samantha Brooke, and Hamilton Burgess. This film, produced by Harpo Productions, takes this team through one year of debate competitions with other black colleges in the South. After beating all notable schools in the area, Tolson begins to seek out white colleges to compete against, but in this heavily racist era, this is no easy feat. Throughout this film, their travels and experiences take them through a number of issues that affected the times (lynchings, racism, communism) and adolescence (first love, coming of age). This film also features Academy Award winning Actor Forest Whitaker.

I didn't like this movie. It was a jumble of political and social issues that were suppose to be facilitated by the plot, but actually became the side story to the plot. Or maybe they were suppose to be the side stories? I'm not quite sure . . . and this ambiguity does not bode well. There was just too much going on for it to be any good. It was a coming-of-age story, but then it wasn't. It was a educational film on racism, and then it was a period piece, and then it was a sports film. All these different aspects in a film, but yet all under-developed.

As for Washington's performance, the man is just good. However, his character contributed to the indecisiveness of the plot. He was a underground revolutionary, a Communist to be exact, and yet I couldn't quite tell if the film meant to portray this as a good thing or a bad thing. He had terrible character flaws. He liked to cheat in the debates. He wrote all of the arguments while the team did the research. He was insensitive and at times, cruel. He lies and creates uncomfortable tension, and yet he mentors these young minds and tells them to believe in themselves. He can be kind, but yet is terribly ruthless. He's such a huge contradiction that I can't see him as being a very good role model. So, though Washington gave depth and complexity to this multi-layered character, it deepened the obvious flaws in the already unfocused plot.

This could easily make the Hallmark Classics shelf, but not mine.

2 GOOMBAS
It was just about a year ago when I was perusing cnn.com and I stumbled across a link to a streaming video of latest "evidence" supporting the existing of the Loch Ness Monster. Now, I'm not exactly a scholar of good old Nessy, but that video sure as heck gave me a weird feeling. What lives below the water already creeps me out, and to have an unidentified, supposed giant animal in the lake's depths gives me the heebie jeebies. Strangely, it's also kind of cool. It opens up this huge array of imaginative ideas, and it's representative of how the unknown can draws us in.

So The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep. A family film set in Scotland during World War II. Young Angus finds a strange rock out on the shore, and once its found, it hatches into a water horse. As the fable goes, there can only be one water horse in the world at a time, and once its born, it begins to depend on Angus for food and friendship. Eventually, the monster gets too large for the bath tub, and Angus is forced to move it to the lake for more room and food.

There's quite a serious side-plot with the war and Angus's father, and I can't help but sense a kind of abandonment from reality. You know Narnia? Kind of like that. The children are in this horrendous situation, and they venture to a different world where they're not orphans, they're the royal family. Or remember that one Buffy episode where she wakes up and she's actually in a mental institution suffering from schizophrenia and her alternate reality is at Sunnydale/the Hell Mouth? I kind of got that same sense from this film and I thought it was worth mentioning.

The CG was pretty great. Crusoe, the water horse pet, was pretty darn cute as a cub, and it acted as real as a monster could act in my opinion. But I say boo to the story and boo to the Free Willy reenactment. This movie fails as family film. It was sad and kind of shallow as far as character and plot development go. I can't recommend it, and it certainly won't come back as a classic.

2 GOOMBAS

2 GOOMBAS

My office building is basically in the middle of a canyon. Every week there's a new department memo reminding us to be "aware of the rattlesnakes that like to hide in the shade," "wary of the coyotes who wander the parking lot early in the morning," or "mindful of the ducklings who could get run over by our cars." What's bizarre is I don't work in the middle of nowhere. This particular building was built by the freeway in a prominent business district, but it just happened to be nestled into a canyon. And with the summer quickly approaching, the latest nature warning memo was about a bee hive in a tree next to the building entrance. Bees freak me out.

Now, this particular bee hive doesn't have anything to do with Bee Movie, which is fine by me. However, I did like to see how creative Dreamworks could be with bees for its subject.

Barry B. Benson, a honey bee, has just finished school (all 3 days of it) and is off to the workforce to pick his life long job. Unsatisfied with the choices he is offered, Barry decides that he wants to be adventurous - even though he wasn't built to leave the hive. After venturing out on his own, he meets a human, Vanessa Bloome, and basically falls in love with her. But durng his time outside the hive, he finds that humans are stealing bees' honey. With the help of Vanessa, a florist, he progresses to sue the human race and wins, but when all the honey is returned to bees, the bees, without reason to work (now with more honey than they can imagine) grow lazy.

Completely outrageous, Bee Movie is over the top and sometimes very strange. I thought Barry's crush on Vanessa was out of line. It actually made me feel very uncomfortable. Not to be prejudice or anything, but he's a bee and she's a person. That's weird. It was even more bizarre when Barry was competing with Ken (Vanessa's ex-boyfriend) for her attention. That was just wrong. Plus Jerry Seinfeld's voice on a bee doesn't fit. I couldn't get past that middle-aged, matter-of-fact, tone. It didn't belong to Barry, a young, college graduate bee; it belonged to Seinfeld. The moral was pretty basic and uninspiring, which is a huge ding for a family flick. It had some good gags and some creative imagination. Dreamworks did a pretty good job imagining up a world of bees with humanistic qualities, but suing the human race? Come on. Will kids really buy that? Mutant Turtles or Transformers are so much more feasible. Maybe my 80's childhood puts me at a disadvantage, but I don't care. Bee Movie wasn't good.

I don't like bees. They sting and buzz and fly around so you can't tell where they'll land. Yes, they make honey, but rightly, I don't like honey either. I had a traumatic childhood experience involving chicken nuggets and dripping honey hands. So I guess the universe is aligned. I don't like bees. I don't like Bee Movie either.

2 GOOMBAS

One day I noticed a new 'DVDPlay' kiosk at my local grocery store. I was briefly appalled. Apparently it dispenses DVD's without the embarrassment of having a teenager judge your movie watching habits, but have we sunk so low as a society to depend on a vending machine to provide our entertainment; my art? Curious, I investigated the machine with its touch pad screen and obnoxious "only 99 cents per day!" red signs. "What!?! It wants my credit card information?" Turned off I left the kiosk. What if it gave me the wrong movie? What if it wouldn't stop charging my credit card? What if someone hacked the machine and my identity got stolen. No, those machines were just too McDonaldized for me . . . but as I thought about it, the idea seemed more and more appealing; for those times where you went to the grocery store after work on a Friday night and wanted something fun to watch; for those times when the nearest Blockbuster or Hollywood Video was just too far away. So, I said "Japan probably does it, why not I?" So out popped In the Valley of Elah from its slot and here we are.

Starring Oscar-winning actress, Charleze Theron, and Tommy Lee Jones, who was nominated for his performance in this film, In The Valley of Elah is a commentary on the toll the Iraq war has taken on family, society, and our soldiers. Hank Deerfield is a retired military sergeant, and when his son, a Iraq War veteran officer, goes AWOL, he travels to his son's base to help investigate Mike's disappearance. Local police detective Emily Sanders (Theron) has been assigned this case, and together with Deerfield, they begin to uncover the seedy underbelly of current military life and put together the pieces of a broken case and a broken family.

Symbolic yet uninteresting, this film had a lot to say, but threw information at you so slowly, that it was easy to lose track of the ball. The message in the film was obvious; Iraq war bad. The soldiers' actions both on and off U.S. soil is telling. The men weren't necessarily bad, but something about the war just brought something out in them. It was so suggestive and provocative, in just the right way, but it was also kind of boring. I don't know what it is about the Oscar nominated films this year. Such yawners. I appreciated the message the movie had to offer, but In the Valley of Elah had bland characters and a dragging pace.

Some obvious symbolism and themes to look out for: the American flag on the pole, the woman with the drowned dog, the David and Goliath story, manhood, fatherhood, brotherhood. So in a nutshell, this film had a lot of ammunition but not enough kick. That's basically all I have to say on the film. The DVDPlay kiosk, though, is actually pretty neat.

Last week marked the five year anniversary of the Iraq War. 4,000 troops have been killed. How much longer?

2.5 GOOMBAS

When I was little, my mom use to own a Board and Care, which is sort of like a nursing home. It was just a normal one-story house with four bed rooms and it housed six elderly “clients.” There was this one 80-year-old man named Manuel. He always wore this bright yellow baseball cap and loved to walk around the house in a speedy-like manner. He never had a destination. He just liked to keep moving. Unfortunately, I didn’t really get to know him because he didn’t really understand who or what I was. He had Alzheimer’s disease, and because he loved to walk, he’d sometimes make a break for it; he’d leave the house, wander the streets, and sadly, get lost. As a kid, I just assumed that this was what came with getting old; memory loss, but as I got older I started to understand the magnitude of that loss.

Unlike The Notebook’s sappy interpretation of Alzheimer's mercilessness, Away From Her brings humanity and reality to the disease. Staring a very classy Julie Christie and television actor, Gorden Pinset, Fiona and Grant are an older couple still terribly in love. Tragically, Fiona is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and she makes the decision to move into a nursing home for those in her condition. However, the nursing home’s policy is that residents have no visitors or phone calls for 30 days. For Grant, that was the tipping point. He didn’t want her there, let alone be away from her for more than a few days. Fiona is persistent with her decision, and Grant grudging leaves her there. Sadly, when Grant returns on the 31st day, Fiona no longer remembers him and has formed a new bond with another resident.

As much as I felt the love between Grant and Fiona, the movie had mixed messages. It illustrated all the sanctity of love and devotion, yet showed where how it faltered. He loves her and would give her anything that would make her happy, but he wasn't always faithful. There was a nurse who befriends Grant during his loneliness, yet at times belittles him. There's this woman who Grant starts hanging out with, and she despises him and is whole-heartedly rude to him. Yet the next thing you know, she asks him out on a date. All the while, Fiona is in this nursing home because she doesn't think her husband could handle taking care of her, but the effect of being apart is causing more stress to Grant and no real help to Fiona's health. (Don't worry folks; no spoilers here. All this stuff is in the trailer). There is a very real possibility that the filmmakers were going for a human flaw theme, which is entirely feasible. However, these contradicting situations, left me frustrated, let down, and miserable. Lastly, I think the ending was suppose to be hopeful, but with all the happenings, it just sort of left me uneasy and nervous about my future as a senior citizen.

2.5 GOOMBAS

I thought that since my last post started with Brad, my next post might as well start with his good friend George. As a kid, my favorite ER doctor was Dr. Carter (Noah Wyle), but that was probably because he was closer to my age than George. As I got older, I started to appreciate Clooney's salt and pepper hair, effortless charm, and movie star good looks. And the best part yet is, he doesn't jump on couches professing his love for a woman 20 years his junior, he doesn't attempt to single-handedly adopt one child from every country, he doesn't preach pre-Vatican 2 practices (yet at least). He seems just kind of down-to-earth. Even when he plays a selfish prick, he still seems normal - and dreamy. So that's all the good I have to say about Mr. Clooney. Michael Clayton, on the other hand, is a slimy, lowly lawyer who seems like he's out for redemption. I don't like him.

The film starts with Clayton gambling away his dirty corporate dollars at a seedy, back room poker table. When he leaves and takes a drive, he fatefully exits his car to look at some horses, and then something unexpected happens. Then the movie takes you back to a few days earlier to see what events had transpired before the incident. Michale Clayton is a lawyer. The custodial kind. He cleans up messes that other lawyers can't. When something happens to his colleague and friend, Arthur Edens, Clayton becomes suspicious of U North, the agricultural conglomerate, after he learns Eden's progress in the case against them.

Boring and slow, like many of the Oscar nominated movies for 2008, Michael Clayton really had nothing that I'd expect in a good film. There was no character investment, George Clooney acted as he did in every other George Clooney role, and it wasn't "thrilling" as the genre, of which this film falls under, promises. I could have cared less about what happened to the characters. Live, die, all the same to me. I have no idea why George Clooney was nominated for best actor. Maybe the Academy just liked to look at him. And half the time, I had no idea about what the heck was going on. You could call this film subtle or understated. I just call it dull and complex.

I will give Michael Clayton the 0.5 GOOMBA boost for Tilda Swinton's performance as insecure yet simultaneously diabolical U North Chief Counsel member and for George's ability to depict redemptive intentions in his character. However, the movieGOOMBA does not recommend Michael Clayton unless you're really into legal thrillers. The ending was mildly engrossing and meaningful but does not really warrant a viewing, unless you're like me and will watch anything.

2.5 GOOMBAS

I just watched this movie two nights ago, and I can’t remember what most of the story was about. I literally had to go and read the Wikipedia article to remind myself of the plot synopsis. What does that tell you? (No, my mind is not going . . . I’m only twenty-four for gosh sakes).

The Is-His-Own-Stunt-Man Jackie Chan and comedian Chris Tucker reprise their roles as Chief Inspector Lee and Detective James Carter in the third installment of the Rush Hour series. The always professional Inspector Lee is off protecting Ambassador Han, but when the Ambassador is nearly assassinated, Lee rushes off (with Carter in tow) to Paris to take down the Triad. Somewhere in there, there is a French showgirl who is key to the plot, a ninja girl who’s kind of annoying, and Han’s daughter, the girl who looks old and young at the same time.

I started out by saying that this movie’s plot is undistinguished, and that’s because it really is. I remember key fight scenes, Jackie Chan’s bad acting, and Chris Tucker’s over acting, but this move isn’t memorable. It is thrown to the masses for pure entertainment, and the plot is an afterthought to Tucker’s one liners and Chan’s ability to swing, kick, and punch. Fun and unbelievable as it is, I do not doubt its future in the $5 bin at Walmart.

2.5 GOOMBAS

SYNOPSIS: Brooklyn Firefighters Chuck (Adam Sandler) and Larry (Kevin James) are best friends. Following the death of Larry’s wife, Larry becomes so consumed with his own grief and the pressure of raising his children alone that he forgets to change his primary financial beneficiary to children, and its past the deadline. His only option is to marry, but he trusts no one except his loyal friend, Chuck Levine. They obtain a gay marriage license, but their lawyer is sexy Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel) makes Chuck less faithful to his marriage.

The GOOM: As un-politically correct as this movie is, it had its moments. I was totally compelled by the Adam Sandler-Jessica Biel attraction, and by the end of the film I knew that many of Chuck’s anti-gay comments stated in the beginning were meant to show a change of character. And in celebration of this gay themed film, I thought Jessical Biel was hot.

The BA: I often forget how crude Adam Sandler can be. I only like his wholesome movies like The Wedding Singer or 50 First Dates, so I forget what a retarded jackass he can be. Many of his gay references and sexual innuendos were just too off-the-wall, and it really turned me off during the first half of the film.

1.5 GOOMBAS

Obsession of the moment: PB & J; Pam Beason and Jim. Fans of The Office will understand. Everyone thinks they're adorable, and I'm obsessed with their love story. Completely and utterly obsessed. What spurred this obsession? I watched seasons 1, 2, and 3 of The Office in one week, non-stop. I know, I'm obsessed. I have a problem. I want to start season 1 over again. I'm lucky Joe won't let me. Maybe I'll do it in secret . . . Meanwhile, as I arranged my cover, I watched Licensed To Wed starring The Office's own John Karsinski and retired pop princess Mandy Moore.

Already anticipating the worst Robin Williams film ever, the former Mrs. Doubtfire plays semi-deranged Reverend Frank who plans to marry young lovebirds, Sadie and Ben. What Sadie and Ben don't expect is the pain and torture of Reverend Frank's marriage preparation course. Frank's inappropriate behavior and obnoxious meddling strains the couple's seemingly perfect relationship, and the intentions of the Reverend's counseling methods are questioned.

I don't understand how anyone could appreciate the humor of this flick. It was cheap, corny, and tactless. It brings shame to the already tainted authority of the clergy. It's pointless and stupid, and I really think that this has placed Robin Williams alongside Tim Allen's greatest hits. Screwball comedy is suppose to be about bizarre situations and characters, but
Reverend Frank was impossible to like and too enthusiastic to be intriguing. He's just annoying. Sadie and Ben were uninteresting, and the only good thing about the movie was the bright colors of the background and the clothing.

Normally Robin Williams is great, and I'm a huge fan. He once walked right past me and I got his air, but this movie was awful. And what's even more unfortunate is this movie didn't really give me my John Karsinski fix (even though about half The Office cast was in the film). It was just really bad. Save yourself for something better.

2 GOOMBAS

Evening is my favorite time of day. Especially in the summer when the heat of the sun yields to the relief of the cool evening breeze. ::sigh:: Evening is the most relaxing time. It's when people are allowed to unwind and take a break from their day's adventures; sometimes sitting on the porch as the sun sets; taking the time to sit and just be. Well, Evening, the movie, is nothing like that. It's plot was jerky and disorienting; flighty and nonsensical.

An impressive cast consisting of Meryl Streep, Claire Danes, Toni Colette, and Glenn Close, to name a few, surprisingly makes for a very disappointing film. On her deathbed, Ann Lord floats in and out of a dream-like state; sometimes to real memories, other times to delusions; all relating to her love affair with Harris Arden. Meanwhile her adult daughters sit and lament over the choices they've made and the life they still have to face.

I give huge kudos to the Director of Photography. There was some great lighting techniques used in this film, and good lighting always makes a film more "legitimate" film. However, lighting can't save horrible storytelling. The only parts that were remotely coherent were Ann's flashbacks to few days before her best friend's wedding. Every other time, I was struggling to follow along; hoping that I would eventually understand why everyone had so much regret. The film did come to a point where I said out loud, "Oh, good, now I can see how . . ." but then the credits started to roll before I could finish my sentence.

There were so many things that this movie did wrong. Does anyone out there understand why Harris is so appealing? I don't even think he's that good looking. Why did he not love Lila, that poor girl. Why did she and Ann lose touch? Why did Ann marry Richard if she loved Harris so much? Oh, and Buddy, poor Buddy. Why was he so messed up? And why was Ann so mean to him? So many questions about a plot shouldn't be generated by a film unless it's Donnie Darko, and at least those are philosophical questions.

Evening ended leaving me frustrated and unamused; nothing like a cool breeze at the end of a long day. More like someone saying that I have to run fifteen more errands directly after work, not being able to go to bed until 1am, and needing wake up at 6am the next morning. Evening was like that, so don't do it to yourself.

2.5 GOOMBAS

Besides gluttony, pride is my second most favorite deadly sin. For the most part, I don't really understand why it's a sin in the first place. Pride is necessary and integral to lead a fulfilling life. Without it, dignity and self respect are moot. Now, if you're Mr. Darcy, it's a bad thing, but in healthy doses, pride can take you a long way. The title, Pride, is probably an elephant size hint of what the theme of this movie is, but it wasn't any different from any other sport themed film.

Terrance Howard stars as Jim Ellis, the real life swim coach of the Philadelphia Department of Recreation (PDR) swim team. During a time when prejudice was rampant, talented and promising swimmer, Ellis, was unfairly treated during a swim meet, which set the tone for the rest of his life. Years later, unable to find work because of the his skin color, Ellis is sent to clean out PDR prior to its closing. Instead, he takes some inner city kids under his wing and teaches them discipline, integrity, and self respect. Bernie Mac costars.

Pride has the perfect plot formula for a successful sports film, but it lacks in creativity and meaning. The plot moves quickly at the beginning but drags at the end, and the believability in the story was greatly choked by corny acting and poor pace. One minute the kids are unruly, the next they're driven; Terrance Howard is crying, then all of a sudden they're winning meets, Terrance Howard cries again; its pretty awful. Then there was this weird subplot of inner city gang activity and of course the awkward romance storyline.

It is really amazing to know that this story did happen in some form or another, and to this day, Jim Ellis still coaches the PDR swim team. That's dedication. But Pride does not do this real life story justice. Read his biography instead.