the movieGOOMBA

3 GOOMBAS

At 2am, on a drive from San Diego to Laughlin, I was convinced that I had seen a flying saucer. Yes, I may have been delirious with sleep deprivation. Yes, I may have had too much sugar. And yes, I am me, but I swear to you, I had seen a UFO. Aliens do tend to inhabit the science fiction genre of film, with an emphasis on fiction, but aliens seem like a very real concept to me. How arrogant are we, the human race, to believe that we are the only living beings in this vast an infinite universe? Yet mixing this concept with an old school adventure flick seems just wrong; even under the supervision of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.

Resurrecting the classic adventures of Indiana Jones, new kid on the block, Shia Labeouf, joins blockbuster veteran, Harrison Ford in the fourth installment of the series, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Still out for an ass kicking, Indie finds himself kidnapped by Russian Nazi leader, Colonel Dr Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) so he can locate a a highly magnetic crystal skull in an endless warehouse of top secret plunder. He escapes, following a very strange incident involving a refridgerator and a nuclear bomb, and winds up helping a kid find his mother and return the crystal skull.

Now, I applaud Spielberg and Lucas for maintaining the original tone of the series (cheesy, yet adventurous, in the ancient-jungle-oriented, 50's period film kind of way) despite the modern-minded, cell phone ridden audience. It actually worked quite nicely. Even the camera work evoked that nostalgic sense of old-time story-telling. However, the gimic, aliens, was absolutely preposterous. It ruined the ancient, treasure hunting feeling and replaced it with weird, futuristic folklore. These two ideas did not mesh well, and in my opinion, was the downfall of the entire film. Indiana is about ancient, forgotten treasure and a romance forged by faith in its existence, not science and neo-centric notions.

Not to mention how poorly the story was told. I didn't understand how the brain-washed anthropologist fit into the whole plot line, nor do I understand why the marketing team tried to keep the whole "Shia LaBeouf plays Indie's son" a secret. It was kind of obvious.

Again, I loved the way the film was shot, how they maintained the original thematic motifs, and the shot-in-the-80's-but-is-reminiscent-of-the-50's style, but it was just so out of this world. Literally. Shia Labeouf swinging through trees, and men getting eaten alive by giant ants was just too much. Even the king with his ripping-out-hearts fetish seemed believable compared to the stuff they pulled in the Crystal Skull. Plus, was it only me or did Harrison Ford look exponentially old?

This movie is graced with my 3 GOOMBA rating only because it holds the clout of the original series. I don't know what is up with Spielberg and his love for E.T., which basically only leads me to one conclusion. Steven Spielberg is an alien. George Lucas must be his mate. Random, you think? Try comparing it to this movie.