the movieGOOMBA

1 GOOMBA

3 GOOMBAS

At 2am, on a drive from San Diego to Laughlin, I was convinced that I had seen a flying saucer. Yes, I may have been delirious with sleep deprivation. Yes, I may have had too much sugar. And yes, I am me, but I swear to you, I had seen a UFO. Aliens do tend to inhabit the science fiction genre of film, with an emphasis on fiction, but aliens seem like a very real concept to me. How arrogant are we, the human race, to believe that we are the only living beings in this vast an infinite universe? Yet mixing this concept with an old school adventure flick seems just wrong; even under the supervision of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.

Resurrecting the classic adventures of Indiana Jones, new kid on the block, Shia Labeouf, joins blockbuster veteran, Harrison Ford in the fourth installment of the series, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Still out for an ass kicking, Indie finds himself kidnapped by Russian Nazi leader, Colonel Dr Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) so he can locate a a highly magnetic crystal skull in an endless warehouse of top secret plunder. He escapes, following a very strange incident involving a refridgerator and a nuclear bomb, and winds up helping a kid find his mother and return the crystal skull.

Now, I applaud Spielberg and Lucas for maintaining the original tone of the series (cheesy, yet adventurous, in the ancient-jungle-oriented, 50's period film kind of way) despite the modern-minded, cell phone ridden audience. It actually worked quite nicely. Even the camera work evoked that nostalgic sense of old-time story-telling. However, the gimic, aliens, was absolutely preposterous. It ruined the ancient, treasure hunting feeling and replaced it with weird, futuristic folklore. These two ideas did not mesh well, and in my opinion, was the downfall of the entire film. Indiana is about ancient, forgotten treasure and a romance forged by faith in its existence, not science and neo-centric notions.

Not to mention how poorly the story was told. I didn't understand how the brain-washed anthropologist fit into the whole plot line, nor do I understand why the marketing team tried to keep the whole "Shia LaBeouf plays Indie's son" a secret. It was kind of obvious.

Again, I loved the way the film was shot, how they maintained the original thematic motifs, and the shot-in-the-80's-but-is-reminiscent-of-the-50's style, but it was just so out of this world. Literally. Shia Labeouf swinging through trees, and men getting eaten alive by giant ants was just too much. Even the king with his ripping-out-hearts fetish seemed believable compared to the stuff they pulled in the Crystal Skull. Plus, was it only me or did Harrison Ford look exponentially old?

This movie is graced with my 3 GOOMBA rating only because it holds the clout of the original series. I don't know what is up with Spielberg and his love for E.T., which basically only leads me to one conclusion. Steven Spielberg is an alien. George Lucas must be his mate. Random, you think? Try comparing it to this movie.

3 GOOMBAS

I absolutely hated the second Pirates movie. I entered the theater anxious and excited and left fuming and frustrated. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest made me physically angry and irritated. I couldn’t believe that such an unintentionally awful and corny movie is the predecessor of such an original and creative story. My disgust of the second film prevented me from possibly dumping my well-earned $10 into the trash, but my responsibility as the movieGOOMBA couldn’t stop me from sharing my findings with you.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End continues the saga of our favorite cowardly captain, Jack Sparrow and his frien-imes Elizabeth Swan and William Turner. Now bear with me as I try and explain the plot. I had to read the detailed synopsis after watching the flick to understand what I had just watched. The East Indian Trading Company is taking over the sea and executing all people associated to Pirateism, and the pirates must come together in order to have a fighting chance at maintaining their swashbuckling lifestyle. Their only hope, with the help of the resurrected Captain Barbobsa, is to save Jack Sparrow from Davy Jone’s Locker, so that he can be present at the Brethren Court. Throughout the movie there is some insane deal making and two-timing deal breaking, and it can be really hard to follow. There’s a plot arc about the sea goddess Calypso and tension between Will and Elizabeth. Most of the time I couldn’t tell whose side anyone was on and why anyone was doing what they were doing. Just try and stay with the story, Wikipedia it after. Don’t forget to wait for the scene following the end credits!

Overall, this was a better-produced film than Dead Man’s Chest. It has the eerie quality that the first film maintained, and the plot lacked the corniness that plagues the second film. The opening scene is phenomenal, and it sets the foreboding tone that makes the Pirate films unique. Elizabeth Swan is a bad-ass, Will isn’t such girly man, Jack Sparrow is as drugged as ever, and the even humanity of Davy Jones was quite touching. However, as I’ve already partially mentioned, the plot is extremely hard to follow; especially for a detail-oriented person like myself. Half the time, I couldn’t tell if Will had gone over to the dark-side and if Elizabeth still loved him. The whole green light mythology, curse thing kind of threw me for a loop too (BTW, read the screenwriter intention of the ending).

Worth mentioning is the great fight scenes, the film's authentic, adventurous style, and the romantic, melancholy ending. It was fun to watch, and I felt entirely absorbed in the action. Just be patient with the plot, and you might find yourself enjoying it.