the movieGOOMBA

1 GOOMBA

I have a confession, but you have to promise not to tell . . . I not only love all teen 80's movies, but I have to watch every single pre-teen flick that comes out on DVD. Even the awful ones, which brings me to Unaccompanied Minors. I need help. I need rehabilitation, especially after watching this Christmas flop. I think it was even worse than Arnold's 1996 holiday, I'd rather be put out of my misery than watch movie, Jingle All The Way.

Why is it so bad? It's corny, over-acted, and definitely not heart-warming. Think Home Alone meets The Breakfast Club meets the dollar bin at Walmart. Usually, I like to cut kid actors some slack when it comes to the maturity of their acting, but I felt like some of these kids were trying too hard to be funny and ended up acting like Jim Carrey with A.D.D. The illiterate could have written a better plot, and even though it is a Christmas movie, which automatically grants extra cheese leeway, the authority vs. kids toboggan chase and the corn oil fueled car were WAY over-the-top. Not to mention that on Christmas morning the ENTIRE airport is in deep R.E.M. and only wake up when the kids ring the bells. ::rolls eyes:: Should I even bother telling you what this movie is about? I guess so, just in case you're curious.

Unaccompanied Minors begins on Christmas Eve when five kids are stuck at the airport due to a blizzard. Hundreds of minors are forced together in a large room since they are underage, and five teens create an unlikely alliance against the airport authority (AKA the Gestapo) to break out and save Christmas for themselves and for those stuck in the terminals. In case this helps, Wilmer Valderrama also stars in this holiday bust.

Don't see this movie. You'll thank me, I promise. I will understand if you are dragged into it by a 12 year old you associate with. After all, you don't want your minor to watch it unaccompanied. Someone has to be there to explain that, though glorified in the film, Hummers are still bad for the environment and no, it isn't safe to toboggan in a canoe.

CLASSIC GOOMBA

Now honestly, how many times have you seen this movie from beginning to end? Probably not that many times. You've probably seen the 'Leg Lamp' scene, and the 'Tongue stuck to the pole' scene, maybe Santa saying "You'll shoot your eye out, Kid!" scene, so you basically get the general gist of the movie.

TBS is advertising it this Christmas as "The funniest Christmas movie ever." I don't know about the funniest Christmas movie ever, but it definitely has its moments. Yet what makes this movie classic is its originality in choice of narration and tone.

This light-hearted, goofy film features Ralphie, an 8 year old boy who wants a 'Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle' for Christmas, and his need for this particular gift presents the perfect stage for his family to express their very different personalities. Not only is his family refreshingly not like any portrayal of the average American family in 1940, but they have character. There's the father who thinks the "electric sex" lamp is the most wonderful prize in the whole world; the dotting mother who get her son to eat by asking him to show her how "little piggies eat"; the little son who is forced to dress in 100 layers before venturing out into the snow. All the while, the entire film is narrated by an adult Ralphie in present tense. Already this movie has creatively changed the stereotypical expectations of any Christmas film of its time.

Like Citizen Kane giving new meaning to the camera angle and crossfade, or Momento taking linear narration to a new level, A Christmas Story opened up a whole new world of film and television possibilities. The Wonder Years, Look Who's Talking, and Christmas Vacation all pay homage to A Christmas Story in one way or the other; adult thoughts and ideas coming from an obviously younger person or a Christmas movie that portrays the flaws in the family dynamic. You can thank The Christmas Story for those.

This movie may not be your favorite Christmas movie, but how can you not appreciate a "double dog dare" kind of a movie?